Analyse Sloop shares her story in “When the Cancer Came Back.”
I never expected the cancer to come back. Even after my grandpa had been hospitalized several times for shortness of breath, nausea, and dizziness, I still chalked it up to being sick season. After all, my grandpa’s immune system wasn’t what it used to be. He got sick more easily and was tired more frequently due to the countless rounds of chemotherapy and radiation he had to endure for more than a year.
No, I wasn’t surprised that he was feeling a bit under the weather, and I didn’t think this appointment would be much different than all the others. He would have some bloodwork done, some scans done of where the cancer still sat dormant in his body, and the doctor would come in and tell him everything looked great, as he had done at every other appointment for the last two years.
When the doctor finally came in, he wasn’t smiling. He also brought another doctor and a nurse with him; this was unusual. Red flags began going off in my brain. I waited for one of them to smile, to say, “Everything looks great, see you next month!”
The Cancer Came Back
Unfortunately, the smile never came, and neither did the good news. As soon as the words, “I’m sorry,” left the doctor’s mouth, I was inconsolable. I had to ask several times if they were sure. They were, in fact, sure that the cancer had not only returned, but had come back stronger. This time, my grandpa was diagnosed with preleukemia. For those of you unfamiliar with cancer, preleukemia is a fairly rare type of blood cancer. It is caused by the very thing that was supposed to put my grandpa into remission – chemotherapy and radiation. This cancer is very aggressive, and the survival rate for a sixty-year-old man, like my grandpa, was fifteen percent.
We were sent straight to the hospital for my grandpa to receive blood transfusions. Unfortunately, halfway through, my grandpa’s body began rejecting the blood. The doctors decided it best to keep him through the weekend to run more tests and see what kind of treatment could be done.
Treatments
Soon after I left the hospital, I received a phone call informing me that if my grandfather chose to go with the treatment plan, he would be doing treatment four times a week. He was already so weak, and the treatment would only prolong his suffering. He made the decision to go on hospice and thought that in doing so, quality of life would be better overall for the time he had left, believing that it would give him a little more time. Without treatment, the doctors gave him a three-year prognosis. I was completely devastated; I had full hope that God would somehow heal him and he would be a miracle case.
I had given my life to Christ a couple of years prior to this, but I still considered myself a new Christian. My grandpa’s diagnosis was what gave me the push to dive headfirst into a walk with Christ. I knew that if He wanted to, God could save my grandpa.
The day after we had gotten my grandpa’s prognosis, I was sitting in the Union on my college campus. I had my headphones in and was praying and asking God why this was happening, hoping no one would notice the tears I was trying to hold back. My grandpa wasn’t saved and had been very open about his unbelief in the Christian faith. He was convinced it was all a hoax. Something that people used to make themselves feel better about life.
Finding Community
I was shaken out of my thoughts when I was tapped on the shoulder. It was two other college students asking if they could sit with me. I thought it was strange since there were plenty of empty tables around, but I said yes. As I tried to put my headphones back in and go back to telling God how angry and confused I was, the boy stopped me. He told me that he had felt led by the Holy Spirit to talk to me.
At that point, the tears I so desperately wanted to hold inside began to fall. I told them both about my grandpa, and the girl told me about her dad. She told me that he wasn’t saved either, but that she wasn’t going to lose hope for her dad, and I shouldn’t lose hope either. Then, they both prayed with me. We sat together for a while. They continued to talk to me about things they had seen God do in their lives and encouraged me to continue seeking Him in all things.
By the time the conversation was over, all three of us were in tears. This was the first time in my life that I truly felt God knew me and that He loved me. I had been asking God for a sign of his presence and if He was even listening to my prayers, and He gave me exactly what I needed and the exact moment that I needed it.
Holding Onto Hope
The hope that I had of my grandpa being a miracle case was slowly dissipating, but my hope in his eternal salvation began to grow. Instead of pleading with God to heal my grandpa’s physical body, I began to pray earnestly for his salvation. This encounter gave me the push I needed to stop praying for my will to be done and to begin praying for God’s will to be done.
Sadly, my grandpa’s battle with cancer ended two days after this conversation. He passed away in his sleep. God gave me the strength and the comfort that I needed to make it through his death. I wasn’t supposed to be with him the night he passed away; I had a big test I needed to study for, worth a large portion of my grade, but I feel incredibly grateful that God tugged on my heart to be with my grandpa that night. I was able to spend precious moments with him that I will hold in my heart for the rest of my life. His last words to me before he fell asleep that night were “I love you.” There was nothing left unsaid. I was able to tell him goodbye, even if I didn’t know it was goodbye at the time.
Saying Goodbye
We didn’t have any money to give my grandpa a funeral. My grandpa had wished to be laid to rest beside his daughter, who had passed away several years prior. God showed up and blessed us with more than enough to give him the burial he deserved.
There will always be grief on this side of Heaven, but it is such a comfort to know the one who created us will never leave us alone in our sufferings. When we look to Jesus, we know that there is life after death where grief, suffering, pain, and cancer don’t exist. This is the hope we can hold onto today in the midst of our sufferings.
Meet Analyse Sloop
Analyse Sloop is a believer, mom, and wife with a deep passion for encouraging women to find their hope in Christ. After losing her grandfather, Analyse began writing to help other women navigate healing in light of the Gospel.
Analyse has previously contributed to the Facebook blog, Servanthearted Sisterhood. She lives in Northwest Arkansas with her husband and two children. She enjoys reading, cooking, and spending time with her family.
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Hope in the Healing: A 40-Day Journey Through Chronic Illness
Hope in the Healing: A 40-Day Devotional Journey Through Chronic Illness
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