When my children were little, I was living an abundant life according to the world’s standards. But there was this spirit living deep inside me rearing its ugly head from time to time – the spirit of anger. If my kids didn’t meet my expectations in school, didn’t perform to my liking on the baseball field, on the dance floor, or whatever it was, my anger would flare. When no one was around, I’d yell, threaten, and sometimes strike.
God Steps In
Often, when we realize we are at our lowest, God steps in. My humiliated self joined a Bible study, hoping to find some answers. It was then that God became my personal counselor. When praying and reading, He revealed how being vulnerable and honest with myself would free me from this awful spirit.
I came across Ephesians 4:26, “Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger” (ESV). I felt a soothing balm pour over me as I realized the feeling of anger was OK. I needed to learn how to deal with it. Why did I act this way? I found myself strolling down Memory Lane.
We Can Change from Our Past
My dad was the type who barked orders to my mom and us six kids. He had a wicked stare that lay on tremendous guilt anytime any of us messed up.
I wonder if, in his childhood, Dad learned being put down would cause one to develop tougher skin. Maybe that worked for him. Not me. My insecurities led to fear. Fear of not measuring up. Fear of the unknown.
Eventually, Mom sat us kids down and told us she was leaving Dad. Being free from Dad’s bullying was not on my mind. Fear of change was. Even if children know the situation is bad, change is scary.
Releasing To God
But it is through change, God allows us to grow. He can use Bible study, counseling, mentoring, and other means. Being freed from a negative pattern can only happen when we are ready to release it to God.
When I was finally ready to come face to face with the spirit of anger, I learned not being able to please my father as a child led me to a life of people pleasing. I depended on others for my happiness. When I felt they weren’t up to task, I wanted to lash out. But the fear of rejection caused me to hold in any disappointment or anger. It was on my poor children that I took out my infuriation with whatever bothered me.
Are We Ready?
When we are ready, we must find someone we trust to help us tread the scary road to change. I shared with my husband and my mother I needed help when I felt overwhelmed, and the spirit of anger wanted to take control. They lovingly supported me in my journey. I decided to write each of my children a letter confessing my struggle.
God revealed I needed to totally depend on Him, not others. My total dependence on Christ freed me from the spirit of anger. Of course, that nasty spirit tries to creep back from time to time. This keeps me clinging to Him. Remembering how He healed me keeps me pressing on and trusting Him only.
Meet Janet
Janet L. Jackson is the author of Jesus Didn’t Fit In: Raising Nontraditional Children. She loves sharing her heart and experiences as a mom and educator with those who struggle with the myth of being a super parent. She and her husband of 47 years are blessed with two grown children and a teen granddaughter. Janet shares snippets from her book at https://www.facebook.com/jesusdidntfitin or on https://instagram.com/janetlvsjesus/
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