Diane Goetz shares her story about releasing shame to find true freedom.
Hello, my name is Diane, and I am a recovering control addict.
I took great pride in being a strong, independent woman. I knew that if I could control every detail of every situation I could make sure that life turned out exactly how I planned.
The thing is, life turned out completely different than I thought it would. I found myself nearing 50 years old, having been divorced twice and now married to my third husband. This was not what 20-something me had planned my life to look like.
Strong & Independent
However, the strong, independent me had decided to move on with life and be happy. And I was happy. I was loving the life that I was now living. I had married a wonderful man, moved to a new town, and found a new women’s Bible study to attend at a new church. Life was good.
Bible Study
Our Bible study group just so happened to be studying Lysa Terkeurst’s book “It’s Not Supposed To Be This Way”. At the first meeting I shared my story…and I cried. One of the other ladies in the group asked me why, if my life was so good now, did I still cry telling the story? I didn’t have an answer for that.
Shortly after that I attended a women’s retreat. One of the speakers led a session about forgiveness being the foundation of freedom. There was a time of reflection and prayer following this session. As I sat in prayer, searching my heart for people I needed to forgive, I could physically feel a lump in my heart. I really felt that I had forgiven those who hurt me in the past. So why did I still have that feeling of darkness in my soul?
Forgiving Ourselves
The speaker stood back up and said, “I feel like someone here needs to forgive themselves.” And the dam broke. That lump was my hard heart, willing to forgive everyone else but not able to accept it for myself. I was holding onto the shame of my past so tightly, thinking that by holding it by force it wouldn’t overwhelm me, that I could keep it hidden so that no one else would know about it. I guess I thought I was even fooling God with the brave face I was putting on.
Releasing the Shame
A friend covered me in grace-filled prayer and led me through a release of that shame. I finally handed it all over to Jesus, asked His forgiveness for not trusting Him with it, for not believing I was worthy, and He took it from me and disposed of it. He wrapped me up in His loving embrace, took my hand, and started leading me down a new path.
I felt physically lighter. That place in my heart where the shame lived was filled with joy and peace instead. It was now overflowing with gratitude. It was a freedom that I would never be able to accomplish through my own strength.
True Freedom
True freedom is not gained by stubborn independence. It is actually achieved through obedience and submission. With each cautious step of obedience, God shows He is faithful. Each time I submit my will to His, He reveals a new piece of His plan for me, and His plan is filled with love and acceptance. His plan calls me worthy and redeemed. His plan is beyond my wildest dreams.
Soaring
Now I see that in my attempt to control and manipulate my circumstances, the only thing I accomplished was a hardening of my heart. That hard heart only led to more hurt and more pain built up like layers of paint in an old house. In this upside-down world, we are told that the way to freedom is to focus on self, to build up the self above anything else. In reality, this striving only weighs us down. The truth is that laying down our self and replacing it with Jesus allows us to soar to places we never thought possible.
What are you holding onto? Are you willing to trust Jesus with the things that you keep hidden from the world? He wants your whole heart, not just the pretty pieces. He wants to show you how beautiful you are in His eyes. You simply need to ask.
Those who look to him for help will be radiant with joy;
no shadow of shame will darken their faces.
Meet Diane Goetz
Diane has a heart for women’s ministry and writing to encourage women to know Jesus personally, to experience His grace, and to learn to hear His voice. She has been called to encourage, empower and equip women to experience healing and freedom, to pursue truth, and to realize their true identity in order to be filled with the joy, peace and love of Christ.
You can read more from Diane on her personal blog at https://dianegoetz.com/, or on her Facebook page Grace Overflowing.
- From Shame to Soaring
- Falling Apart is Falling Together
- Unlimited Wishes and Loss
- Releasing Your Fears to God
- Forever In His Arms
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