Lisa Allen shares today about her pain in the waiting. We’ve all been in the waiting rooms of life and the literal ones. How do you face the pain of waiting?
If there were trophies for the most boring life, I think I could’ve won. When I met with friends and they asked, “What’s new?” My answer was, “Nothing.” For 15 years, I had the same job and attended the same church. Not much changed, other than my address, as I married off roommate after roommate, and was left to find a new one and new place to live.
When Hardships Strike
That’s not to say that there weren’t ups or downs during that period. My mom was diagnosed with cancer. A year later, my sister got married. The following year my dad passed away suddenly and unexpectedly. Overall, though, even I was bored with my life. After work, I would make myself dinner, read the Bible, watch some tv, then went to bed. I remember asking, “Lord, is this all there is to life?”
A self-proclaimed devoted reader of Karen Kingsbury’s books, I devoured her Baxter family series. I anticipated every new book as it was released, often pre-ordering them. The family seemed to be hit with every kind of tragedy and life jarring experience known to human reality. Affairs, divorce, illness, near drowning, fires, unplanned pregnancies, cancer, car accidents, remarriage, blended families. I remember thinking, “that’s not a picture of real life.” Until tragedies became a reel in mine.
Left Behind
My sister got married when we were 25. As a twin, we experienced life’s milestones together: driver’s licenses, high school graduation, college and college graduation. We took jobs in the same town in a neighboring state from where we’d been raised. So, when she got married and I wasn’t even dating anyone, I truly wondered if the Lord had a spouse in mind for me. Half a decade later, which feels much longer when you’re living through it, I got married at 30.I felt like life had turned a corner. A new decade with so much hope.
Life Throws Us Pain
If that season were like Spring, it came in like a lamb, out like a lion. The last year of my thirties was indeed a wild animal. Within 10 months, we lost my husband’s uncle to a hospital nurse’s medical error, three weeks later his sister passed away unexpectedly, leaving behind three small children, the youngest just a week old. The grandfather he’d lived with, prior to our wedding, passed away from dementia. During this season, we were also navigating instability in our careers. Weeks after burying his grandpa, we moved 500 miles away from all our family.
In the first two months of living in a new state, I spent a weekend in the ICU with uncertain chest discomfort and EKGs that indicated trouble. Doctors were prompted to take me by ambulance to a neighboring hospital for a heart catheterization that Sunday, instead of waiting until the scheduled procedure on Monday. Convinced I was ok, I released and was told to rest. I went out a few days later to run some errands and became a victim of a hit and run. A few weeks later, I noticed a scar on my arm had opened and was bleeding; skin cancer that had been removed before my wedding had returned.
Pain in the Waiting
I wanted to buy ruby slippers, click my heels three times and go back home.
Thirty-nine hadn’t been great; 40 was starting out awful.
My life felt out of control. When fractures split our family further, I felt despair. I know the Word, as do you: do not being anxious (Philippians 4:6), God works all things out for our good (Romans 8:28), do not despair (2 Corinthians 4:8). What was shocking to me, and honestly provided relief to my aching soul, was when I read Paul’s words just three chapters earlier: “We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers and sisters, about the troubles we experienced in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself.” 2 Corinthians 1:8 NIV. Even Paul felt and voiced despair.
Job Understood
Job could be the poster child for desperation. At first glance (and second and third…), it feels like he’s a rag doll in the mouth of a pit bull. The late Michael Heiser provided insight I hadn’t previously considered. There is much more at stake than what meets the eye. Satan is not only attacking Job, but “he’s challenging God’s character and integrity.” Satan is convinced he knows what will happen if God removes His blessings from Job (Job 1:11; 2:5).
God is certain He knows what Job will do (namely not sin [Job 1:22; 2:10]). Knowing there was much more at stake, seeing that God was defending Job’s character, and His own, I get a broader perspective of what I’m going through. What I’m facing is only part of the picture. There is something much bigger going on. Is it painful, is it devastating? Yes. Job doesn’t deny it, neither does God. https://youtu.be/vC8EAP9BJno 0:05:12 – 0:08:22
What has helped me endure in seasons of suffering is not the “do not” verses in the Bible.
It’s knowing my circumstances, while they tell part of my story, don’t tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. God is up to something; He might even be putting satan in his place, I don’t know. I might not ever know why, but I know Who! God gets the last word, not my circumstances and certainly not satan.
God Knows
It’s knowing my confusion, grief, questions about God’s promises and character aren’t shunned by God, “but quite the opposite, they give a sacred dignity to human suffering.” “Suffering in silence is not a virtue in the book of Lamentations. God’s people are not asked to deny their emotions, but to (pour out their hearts) to God.” The BibleProject concludes in their video on the book, “Lament, prayer and grief are a crucial part of the journey of faith of God’s people in a broken world.” https://bibleproject.com/explore/video/lamentations/
It’s knowing Jesus said to pray, and not give up (Luke 18:1) I don’t know why my prayers or yours go unanswered day after day after year after year. But I do know that: Jesus said, keeping praying. That He said we will get justice. That God won’t keep putting us off (Luke 18:7).
When my situation isn’t changing, or it’s going from bad to worse, and I’m tempted to believe the story it’s telling me, I fix my attention on the Truth. I “[fix] my eyes on Jesus…so [I] won’t grow weary and lose heart. Hebrews 12:2-3 NIV
Meet Lisa
Lisa Allen calls Indiana home, but currently lives in Lititz, Pennsylvania. She and her husband have been married for 24 years, and while they pay the mortgage, they live in the house “owned” by their spunky Yorkie. Lisa has a heart for encouraging others and serves as Care Ministries Coordinator and in various hospitality areas in her home church. While she isn’t new to writing, she is new to devotional writing and blogging. She became a COMPEL Pro member in the fall of 2024. One of her social media posts was selected to be published by Proverbs 31 ministries this Spring. You can find it when it’s released, and follow her musings soon, at https://www.instagram.com/twinby/
- When There’s Pain in the Waiting
- The Reviews Are In – 2 New Bibles
- From Fear to Surrender: Learning to Trust God’s Plans
- Releasing Your Rights
- It’s Time to Strip Away What’s Holding Me Back
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