Lower Expectations and Rising Faith

Author: Hannah Rowen Fry

Lower Expectations and Rising Faith

I remember sitting in my counselor’s office after weeks of meeting when she gave advice that still runs through my mind. She said, “We need to lower your expectations, but not so low they don’t exist anymore.”

I was newly married, and let’s just say I thrived living independently before moving in with my husband. Expectations are an important part of any marriage, but my counselor’s advice would prove to be far more important. For my relationships, for my work, my community, and especially for myself, she was right.

High expectations are destructive to others, but too low of expectations are destructive to self. I welcomed her invitation to help me find the sweet-spot.

Unfortunately, she didn’t have an instruction book on how to lower my expectations. Instead, it’s been a journey to figure out how low is too low. I’m beginning to realize this journey will never end. And I’m beginning to embrace that. You could say I’ve changed my expectations on the journey itself!

The Answer I Was Looking For

My counselor’s words began to make sense one day when my husband shared an equally profound phrase about his own experience along this journey. After months of struggling to understand why some of his colleagues weren’t performing as expected, he said, “I can’t expect more from them than they’re able to give me.”

It clicked. I cannot expect from others something that they are incapable of giving me. Which also means that I can expect from others what they can give me.

With this new information I approached God with gratitude, thankful for a clear course to proceed. 1 Corinthians 12:15-17 (NIV) came to mind:

Now if the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be?

Expectations

I can expect an eye to be an eye, and then both me and the eye are happy!

I can expect my husband to forget to unload the dishwasher, and he can expect me to nag him for it. I hope you can sense my sarcasm! My coworkers are expected to do the work they are capable of, just as I am expected to do what I was hired for. Or I can expect my community to be a space of hurt and of healing, as all communities are.

Verse 18 continues, “But in fact God has placed the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be.” Including me. Turns out I would be the hardest person to lower my expectations for. Often what I want and what I am capable of are not the same. And as God has invited me to abide in Him, He has shown me I’m just as He wants me to be.

What if I focused more on what I am capable of? My expectations for myself would then align with God’s expectations for me.

Can you imagine what the world would look like if everyone embraced their weaknesses and met their God-given expectations instead of constantly striving to meet the ones set by those whose opinion matters far less than His?

Friend, if you’re struggling with too high or too low expectations for yourself or others, release it to God. Ask Him to remind you of the truth about yourself you already know full well–that you are “fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:14 NIV). Remember that your partner, coworkers, and community are also wonderful works of God’s creation. Soon you’ll experience the fruit that comes with it, most notably healthier relationships and God-honoring boundaries.

Meet Hannah:

Hannah Rowen Fry is a writer and speaker passionate about helping people live into their God-purpose. Her thoughtful reflections on Scripture invite those who feel overwhelmed to slow down, choose simplicity, and experience greater joy in the present moment. Read more about Hannah and her work at www.hannahrowenfry.com.

Website: www.hannahrowenfry.com

Instagram: @hannahrowenfry

Facebook: facebook.com/hannah.rowen.7

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