Growing Requires Trusting

The test had been run and the results were in.  The follow-up appointment was made and the day had finally arrived to go discuss the findings with the doctor.  My anxiety started to increase as I walked into the office.  It seemed like a mile but was probably only thirty feet or so.  After checking in and sitting down in the waiting room, I began to pray. 

“Lord, I don’t know what I am about to walk into, but You do, and I know that You’ve got this. Lord grant me comfort through this.  Grant the doctor wisdom and Lord I pray for healing. Thank you for getting me this far.  I trust you.  Amen.”

This Psalm has been my rescue prayer for a while now.  Each time I’m facing something this passage brings me the most serenity.  It’s like a wave of calm washes over me. 

“Brianna Barrett, the doctor is ready.” called the sweet nurse.  We walked back together and I got on the dreaded scale.  She took my vitals as we made small talk.  While talking to her I noticed that the anxiety that I walked in with had dissipated.  I was calmer now and as she walked out the door, I started talking aloud to God.

“Thank You, God, for answering my prayers and for always directing me back to Your Word.”

The doctor walked in and we got to the business of the diagnosis and the treatment plan.  There were a lot of medications with long names that I had never even heard of, much less knew anything about the side effects.  As the doctor talked I continued to listen.  I made a few notes in my notebook as he spoke so I wouldn’t forget any of the details. 

The doctor stopped and looked at me, “Brianna, you do realize this is the beginning, it’s going to be a long treatment plan and it’s not going to be fun.  You’ll face some scary stuff whether it be the medicine or the side effects.”

I smiled and replied, “I don’t know what I’ll face but God does and He’s got this.”

We both smiled and he continued on with the extensive treatment plan.

As I walked out of the office that day I felt lighter and more ready to take on what was next.  As I got into the car, I quickly sent up a prayer of worship and gratitude.

“Thank You, God, for getting me through that appointment. I know the doctor said that was the easy part.  You’ve got this, and I trust you.  Thank You, Lord, for granting him wisdom to treat me.  Amen.”

As I drove away into traffic, I started thinking about the scary stuff that he had said.  When I got home and looked up the medicines he named, my anxiety started to creep back in. My husband and I were discussing how the appointment went when I told him, “I’m just scared, there are a lot of what-ifs.” He reminded me that, “there are a lot of what-ifs, but we have a God that is bigger than that. We have to trust that He has this, whatever this may be for us.”

I smiled and agreed that God had this.  Each day since then I’ve had to continuously turn the anxiety over to God.  Every day.  Sometimes it’s more than once a day.

I pull out my well-worn Bible, open to Psalm 91, and begin to read my reminder that God’s got this.

As the year ends and another begins, I look forward to the possibilities that the new year holds for me and my family.  I look forward to the new things I’ll face and the things I will say goodbye to – sometimes that’s the harder part. God always provides what we need, for whatever season we are in.  He is faithful.  He shows up every day and every night.  When the anxiety and fear start to creep in, or another side effect comes up I am reminded of Psalm 91.  He’s got this.  I have to trust Him.  The more I focus on Him and His Word, the less I focus on my circumstances, and I can grow closer to Him.  At the end of 2022, I started praying for God to lay my word for the year on my heart.  Little did I know then what that would mean in the coming year.  The words laid on my heart for the year were “trust and grow.” 2023 was full of times when I had to trust God fully, (as I always should) between health concerns and pursuing writing. I first feared the words because I knew my faith would be tested. I trusted and grew in Christ through many areas of my life including in my marriage and parenting.  Some lessons were easier than others, while some were painful to bear.   As a new year starts, and new things are laid on my heart I can trust that God’s got this.