Desiree Talbert shares her story of surrender as she let go of the apology that never came.
You’ve Got Mail?
An email inbox is no place to find hope. But that’s where I had been looking.
A conversation had left me wounded. Actually, two conversations—within 24 hours. A friend had made a harsh comment about my professional life. The next day, another said something critical of me as a wife and mother. Maybe it was the timing. Maybe it was just too much at once. But these words hurt, deeply.
Stinging Words Linger
I tried to reinterpret their words. I tried viewing them as helpful critique, looking for the truth in them. But no matter how I thought about their comments, the sting remained. The wounds felt fresh every time I replayed the conversations in my mind.
I became quiet and guarded around them. I found myself hesitant to be kind or open. I hated that feeling, but I couldn’t seem to shake it. I kept waiting for something that would make it right: a message, a gesture, an apology.
Maybe Today
So, I checked my inbox and messages. I thought, Maybe today she’ll reach out. Maybe today she’ll say, “I didn’t mean to be unkind.” But nothing ever arrived.
Eventually, I realized I had unknowingly made a bargain in my heart: I would let go of my hurt if they admitted they were wrong. I was waiting for healing to come from someone else’s repentance.
Surrendering to God
But God wanted me to surrender something else entirely. He wanted me to surrender my heart—and my need for an apology—to Him.
One morning, my Bible included Psalm 40: “He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure” (Psalm 40:2).
I had always pictured David’s “miry bog” as an external trial—persecution, hardship, or danger. But in that moment, I saw my own heart as a bog. I was stuck in thoughts that slowly continued to pull me down.
I had been looking to other people to rescue me. But only God could lift me out.
Crying Out to the Lord for Help
So I did something simple but life-altering: I cried out to Him. I asked for help, confessed my bitterness, and surrendered my need for an apology. I asked Him to pull me out.
And He did.
Immediately, the heaviness lifted. The situation had not changed, but I had changed. I didn’t need to be angry anymore. I didn’t need to keep score. I didn’t need an apology to forgive them.
God gave me grace to let go.
A new song truly was in my mouth. Psalm 40:3 says, “He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God. Many will see and fear, and put their trust in the LORD.”
Gratitude
I started to thank God for those women—for the good they had done in my life and for how He had used them before. I stopped rehearsing their slights and started counting the ways I was thankful for them. Bitterness began to dissolve in forgiveness and gratitude.
Of course, one act of forgiveness doesn’t mean the struggle is over. There were days when the memory resurfaced. I had to erect a mental signpost that says, “Danger! Watch your thinking!” I’m motivated to be vigilant because I know where that path leads.
I also know that God is ready to rescue me again. His grace isn’t a one-time lifeline. It’s an ever-present anchor.
I never did get that apology. But I got something infinitely better. God gave me His peace, freedom from bitterness, and a heart that sings again.
Meet Desiree
Desiree Talbert makes her home in beautiful Alberta, Canada, with her husband and their three children. Her passions include helping women to study the Bible for themselves, to pray more, and to meditate on Scripture. She combines that with decades of experience as an editor and educator in order to create journals to assist women and teens in their walk with God. Her writing can be found at desireetalbert.com.
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As I read “Letting Go of the apology that never came” tears began to flow as this is exactly what I needed to hear at just the right time. For such a time as this! I too have opened my email every single morning hoping this would be the day for the apology and retract the lies and untruths that have been told. This situation has paralyzed me from moving forward with my life and making decisions about my future. Today is a new day and I release this to God and finally can let go and move forward in my decision to TRUST God completely and allow Him to use me to help others! Time to SURRENDER it ALL to God!
Thank you for allowing God to use your story to help me to release and move forward!
Those apologies that never come are so hard. Today is a new day! I love your perspective.
Thank you Desiree for sharing your story. There was an aha moment in your revelation about waiting for healing to come from someone else’s repentance. I love that!
And thank you Briana for making a way to share our stories.
Nancy thank you for being apart of this journey!