“You don’t look sick!” exclaimed my friend as she stared at me in disbelief. “I know I don’t look sick, but I am and have been for a long time. I’m just good at concealing it until now.” That day I could barely stand and sitting wasn’t comfortable either, this wasn’t the first time this had happened but normally I could conceal it better. But that day, I didn’t have the energy to play the charade that I was fine, I wasn’t fine and I was weak and it was just good that I was even at work that day.
Paul understood disability. The Bible never says what his diagnosis was but he did have a thorn – as he referred to it. This thorn was humbling to him.
In 2 Corinthians 7-10, Paul describes his thorn. “So to keep me from becoming proud, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger from Satan to torment me and keep me from becoming proud.” (2 Corinthians 12:7b NLT).
I understand Paul, I understood what he felt like with this thorn from Satan. I have also thought my disease was from Satan many days, especially on the tough, painful days. I’ve cried many nights in agonizing pain that God would take this thorn of disease from me.
Paul had begged for healing, I too have begged to be healed.
“Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, ‘My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.’” (2 Corinthians 12:8-9a NLT).
Paul’s thorn shaped his faith. Paul found out he couldn’t do it on his own strength. He had to trust God, no matter what the circumstance was. He had to trust that God would heal him, even if it wasn’t on this side of heaven.
I found Jesus amid this thorn. I found the more it hurt, the worse it got, the closer I drew to God. When the pain began to spike, I could call on the Lord and He was there. No matter the time or the conditions, God was there to carry me along.
“So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” (2 Corinthians 12:9b-10 NLT).
Taking pleasure in weakness doesn’t seem easy. It’s not. I understand that my thorn means I’m weak, and the weaker I am the stronger God is and the more I depend on Him. When I struggle with standing or the pain seems overwhelming, I know that I can lean into God and He can handle it.
Paul’s thorn was never defined. At times I feel like my thorn is my autoimmune disease or the side effects from the medications, but in actuality, I think the thorn that sticks the most is my anxiety. My anxiety is its own thorn, exacerbated by my diseases, by the side effects, and by the chaotic world that we live in.
My anxiety may never go away, and I may never get rid of that thorn, but each time the thorn appears, I know that God is my strength to get through the storm. He can move mountains by merely telling a mountain to move. He can conquer my fears and my hardships. Even though my thorns make me feel weak, I know where my strength comes from. My strength comes from the Lord. (Psalm 28:7). No matter how weak I get, God always infuses me with the strength to get through the day or night. At times He provides me with strength to rest and other times He strengthens my physical body to be able to endure the day.
Some days it’s a perfect storm, an autoimmune flare that sets off side effects from my medications, which causes me to become anxious about the outcomes, the “what ifs”. In these moments, when hope is bleak, I know the more I lean in and call upon the Lord, the more He will provide strength for me.
Like Paul, I want to boast about my weakness because I know that when I’m weak the Lord infuses me with strength, not human strength but strength of the Holy Spirit. Had I not developed these thorns, I would never have known the true strength of the Lord. My suffering shaped my faith and my trust in the Lord. I trust that one day, whether on this side of heaven or not, the Lord will heal me fully and completely and remove all the thorns in my flesh. Until then, I will keep leaning into Him to carry me through.
Lord, thank you for the thorn in my flesh. Lord may You use it for your glory. Thank you, Lord. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
I, too, battle anxiety, and there are times when my armor feels weak. But God is faithful. Thank you for being so relatable. What a great reminder of how we are not alone in our struggles. Even Paul had his share!
I can completely relate to your armor feeling weak. God is faithful. I’m praying for you.
I’m so sorry you’re dealing with all of this. Thank you so much for sharing your heart and your struggles.
Thank you Kristen.
Thank you for sharing your experience. I’m sorry you suffer, and I do pray that God takes it away from you at some point here on earth. What a gift you give others in the meantime.
Maree Dee, Thank you for your encouragement and prayers! I’m grateful.
I agree that suffering presses us nearer to God; it’s then we find him pressing nearer to us (James 4:8). God’s presence never felt so palpable as when I encountered a prolonged rough patch. Praise God for his comfort and strength!
Praying for you Nancy! I’m so thankful that God comforts us and provides us with strength.
Brianna, I have learned this lesson too (praise God for His grace!), anxiety is a thorn for me as well. I’m so grateful we have this example from Paul—God is our strength and He sustains us when physical healing isn’t His answer. And He draws us closer to Him, strengthening our trust in His goodness!
Yes praise Him for His grace!❤️
Love this post! I can so much relate to everything you say.
❤️ Hadassah, I felt the exact same way about your book!