Amber J. Parker shares her family’s story of suffering that continues without healing so far. The hard reality of continually facing a chronic illness while praying for healing and not receiving it.
When Suffering Continues and No Healing Is in Sight
As we were hit with yet another major and severe food allergy for my child through an emergency and 911 call, I felt like my life was imploding. Nothing felt safe. We had already been to the allergist and done all the testing to find out all the allergens, but one major allergen had not been accounted for, not been found yet. The last dangerous food wasn’t identified until that unsuspecting day.
I fed my child food I thought was safe, and the moments after turned frightening.
When It’s Out of Your Control
What do you do when your world is turned upside down by a diagnosis and you have no control?
What do you do when something that was a joy for your family (multi-ethnic foods and food-focused gatherings for us) becomes a distant memory? It instead became a threat to our child’s life.
What do you do when the freedom and ease of life as you know it is over and serious challenges and difficulties take their place?
Acknowledgement and Grief
You acknowledge and grieve what you have lost.
Our life’s freedoms dwindled due to the real and present need to protect our child’s life. I had to choose to fight for joy in order to still live with hope. I chose to embrace our new realities and slowly find a new way to do life well. Fear and diagnoses wouldn’t swallow up our life and our joy.
When life throws you, you allow space to grieve and acknowledge your big emotions and new realities of life. There isn’t a turning back the clock to before the diagnosis or before your world and approach to life completely changed. There must be a season and process of acceptance and then pivoting to create new ways of doing life well for your family or yourself.
I know some of you have also faced significant diagnoses, some life-threatening like my child’s. However— All diagnoses are life-altering.
Rise
You rise to the call.
You now have the vital role of active advocate. If you are the primary caregiver of the one diagnosed, you likely feel the sheer weight of responsibility you carry. It takes time to accept the identity of “caregiver” on your shoulders, but naming that reality is powerful and gives added purpose and calling to your unseen tasks and burdens.
Transformation
Hopefully, you also recognize the amazing honor the role of caregiver and advocate affords. To fight for the life of another, to sacrifice, advocate, and speak life over them is a weighty and courageous pursuit. A holy pursuit.
You are transformed in the process.
Adversity grows us and transforms us, if we let it.
You could choose to resist and fight against your new reality, but it won’t help you adjust to your new normal with resilience. Denial or resistance drains you of needed energy.
Leaning In
Instead, lean into God’s power, sharing with Him your worries, fears, and anxieties. God is the One who continually renews and strengthens us.
“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day” (2 Cor. 4:16, NIV). We may feel weary but can find encouragement as we put our hope in Jesus, identifying with his suffering and the power that raised Him from the dead (from the previous verses).
Facing Fears
God helps us not lose heart.
You face your actual fear.
I was honest with my emotions, and I followed my fear to the end of itself.
I asked myself honest questions:
What did I fear? I was afraid of another reaction.
Why? What was the actual underlying and driving fear below the surface though? When I chose to process and face the main reason why I was afraid, I reached the true and underlying fear— death. loss of my child.
My fear of another reaction was not just a fear of the reaction itself but a fear of losing my child and medically not being able to save their life.
A real possibility. My fear was based in reality.
When I knew the valid and deepest fear present (the one behind the easily identified fear), then I could lift it up to the Lord. It was relieving to be honest with myself and God as I prayed with an authentic heart.
I poured out my heart to God in prayer for protection of my child, wisdom for myself, and guidance in how to care for and advocate for my child well.
Follow David’s Example of Honest Surrender
David in the Psalms did this. He was fully honest about what he was facing and what he was afraid of. As he poured His heart out to God, his words turned back to praise, praising who His God was. He could stand on the character of His God.
I found as I poured my heart out in my journals, my words turned back to praise also. There was a slow release and surrender to the One who made my child, who loves my child, and who allowed this painful and difficult diagnosis to be present in our lives. Trust. Reliance. Sustainment. Comfort. Praise.
I prayed continual prayers of reliance upon God and still do.
Praying prayers of protection, not just physically, but emotionally, mentally, and spiritually over my child with anaphylactic food allergies and over my other children, also. I caregive for more than one life-threatening diagnosis for my children. By having a constant need and reliance on God for physical protection, it becomes much easier to daily recognize and desire his help and deliverance in all the other areas of our life — to ask him to permeate every aspect of our life- our mental, emotional, and spiritual life also.
When our need is great, our dependence on God through prayer deepens.
Our eyes are opened to our great neediness in all areas of our life. We are humbled and dependent on the only One who can carry us.
Finding Creative Blessings
There can be unseen blessings if we are willing to get creative with our newfound challenges. Accepting the way life is now, is the first step toward a newfound way of doing life well, with joy, even in the difficulties we face.
For our family, we couldn’t do life the way we used to anymore, and so, we actively brainstormed other ways we could choose joy in our life, just differently. My blog choosejoyinthemidst.com came out of that.
Because of the severity of the anaphylactic allergies (including airborne allergies), we could no longer fly on a plane or stay in hotels and have the risk of exposure and reaction to the allergens.
My life began to feel extremely small and trapped in realizing all that was gone from our life—activities and conveniences taken for granted before. It felt overwhelming until we brainstormed new and different possibilities.
Living with No Healing in Sight
Resourcefully, we bought an RV to still travel, safely. Now, we’ve been all over the United States adventuring in ways we never would have if we hadn’t been forced to do life differently. RV adventuring has become a source of family joy and connection. Navigating anaphylactic allergies is still hard, but God is giving us the grace and strength to maneuver and navigate life with resilience and continued dependence on Him.
If you’ve read this far, I’m sure you are dealing with your own difficult battle, and I’m so sorry. I pray my words and how we approached our struggle have blessed you and maybe sparked creativity in your own mind of how you can pivot and do life well, just differently, with your unique life challenges. How can you continue to fight for joy in the midst of your own struggles and hardship?
Let us: choose joy in the midst.
Meet Amber
Amber J. Parker is a writer, speaker, owner, Physician Assistant, trauma healing advocate, and the upcoming author of “Battle Forged & Battle Ready”, a book for the primary caregiver of suicidality and trauma which comes out of her own personal story. Amber is the founder and CEO of Choose Joy In the Midst, LLC, a business focused on the integration of faith and mental health and empowering others in their life battles. She shares truth from the Bible, neuroscience, and psychology through her blog choosejoyinthemidst.com , through speaking, and on her online shop, Beautifultruthdesign.com offering mugs, journals, and t-shirts with messages to inspire and empower.
Website: https://choosejoyinthemidst.com/
Resources:
“12 Steps to Find Your Ideal Therapist & Heal Your Life”:
Social Media:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/choosejoyinthemidst
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Choosejoyinthemidst1
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@Choosejoyinthemidst
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Choosejoyinthemidst
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